


Love and Love Lost

by padaleckifantrash



Series: Tumblr Fic Prompts [16]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depression, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 07:35:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7835863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/padaleckifantrash/pseuds/padaleckifantrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: "some slight angst where Castiel gets killed in some way, and it hits Sam a lot harder because he loved him so much. and Dean's the one to comfort Sam, and tries not to let his feelings for Sam get in the way."</p><p>//</p><p>Sam lost his angelic partner Castiel and Dean had to pick up the broken pieces while his heart exploded with love for Sam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love and Love Lost

Lucifer cut all Castiel's grace out and with merciless fury, cut the life from him as well.

The archangel left in peace and Sam was left shattered. He dropped down beside the dead, mortal body of Castiel and let out a wrecked sob, all rough edges and jagged heartbreak. The hunter cradled his perished lover, whispering a mantra of _pleasepleasecomebackplease_ , his older brother standing in the doorway, heart ripping to pieces at the sight.

Sure, Dean had a friendship with Castiel, but the scene of Sam breaking down hurt him more. It ripped into him like malicious claws. Sam was his everything. His world, his home. But he had belonged to the ex-angel.

He let Sam weep for some time, his own eyes glassing over, tears spilling over. After, he walked over to Sam and bent down to lay a hand on his shoulder.

"C'mon, Sammy. Let's give him a funeral he deserves."

Sam just nodded, breaths coming in a staccato, uneven rhythm. He stood and helped Dean to give Cas his well-deserved hunter funeral.

\---------

A large presence made itself known as it curled up against Dean's back. The hunter in him almost reached for the gun under his pillow but the breathy sobs that came from the person registered as Sam.

"Hey, hey, hey," Dean whispered as he turned over over, voice gruff with sleep. "Couldn't sleep?"

"I can't stop thinking about it. I keep having d-dreams of Cas dying. Over and over and _over_ ," Sam cried, shoving his face into Dean's chest.

Dean knew that rationally, Sam just needed comfort. But all his brain wanted to do was interpret it as Sam reflecting Dean's feelings. Those sick feelings Dean knew would plague his mind forever.

The eldest Winchester wrapped an arm around his brother's warm, solid body and held him tight. He began humming 'Hey Jude', a song their mother used to sing to them. He felt Sam's tremors slow as well as his breathing and soon, he was asleep.

Dean stayed awake most of that night, on guard for any nightmares Sam could experience.

\---------

Dean had stopped looking for hunts, letting Sam grieve. The younger Winchester would just sit in his room, hazel eyes unfocused. One day, Dean couldn't ignore Sam's isolation any longer.

"Hey, Sam," Dean murmured, leaning against the doorframe. Sam was curled up under the covers and his eyes flicked up to meet Dean's for only a fraction of a second before looking back down at a spot on the wall. "Hey... Say something, please, Sammy." The oldest Winchester walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. He raised his hand to place it on his brother's back but pulled it back. 

"I couldn't do anything to save him..." Sam whispered and sniffled. "I miss him so much, De, you have no idea."

_I do know. I've lost you before,_

Dean thought.

"I'm so sorry, Sam," Dean mumbled. "I can't imagine how you must feel but... Sam, it's been three weeks. Ya'--Y'gotta get up. Let's go to the Grand Canyon. You've always wanted to visit there. Please, Sam."

"It just hurts so much," Sam said, voice cracking. He turned over to gaze up at Dean, eyes coated with unshed agony. "I feel like I-I have this weight on my chest."

Dean had to look away; all he wanted to do was press his lips to Sam's, but he knew it was wrong. He knew it was wrong since he was 20 and figured out he was in love with his kid brother.

"He'd want you to be happy," Dean croaked, letting out a shaky sigh before turning back to look at Sam. The younger male just stared up at Dean for what seemed like years until he nodded. Slowly but sure. 

"Alright. Y-Yeah--we can go to the Grand Canyon," Sam said and cleared his throat, sitting up slowly.

Dean's heart burst with affection and love and all _wrongrightwrong_ as he watched Sam stand and take the first steps toward healing. Now, Dean needed to figure out the steps to patching over his deep, gut-wrenching love for his brother.

**Author's Note:**

> Send me a drabble prompt on tumblr (unhealthycodependency) or in the comments here! I also do commissions.


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